


Don't Shoot the Books

by for_t2



Category: The Mummy (1999)
Genre: Adventure, Being Lost, Books, Dorks in Love, F/M, Humor, Libraries, Napping, Post-The Mummy, Scaring Unsuspecting Strangers, True Love, human disasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29446317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/for_t2/pseuds/for_t2
Summary: Rick had important news, news of adventure, to bring to Evy. If he could find his way out of the library first
Relationships: Evy Carnahan O'Connell/Rick O'Connell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Don't Shoot the Books

Rick O’Connell never met an adventure he wasn’t up for. There was probably a prophecy somewhere about how that would be his downfall. Or not, but he liked to think that he would be prophecy-worthy. It would be fun. And definitely better than being curse-worthy. Which, considering his previous, um, adventures (as he liked to call them), he was almost certainly cursed with something terrible (or several somethings terrible).

But still, an adventurer he was. And he was an adventurer on a mission. He had news. Big news. Important news. Fun news. And so when the lovely receptionist at the front desk of the museum library told him that Evy was currently in section G of the archives, without providing any further details or any timescale, he decided that he would make it today’s adventure to go find Evy.

Rick O’Connell, you see, always took advantage of the opportunities for adventure that presented themselves to him.

And like all of his adventures, it took him about five minutes of wandering through the library stacks before he realised that he was completely and utterly lost.

*****

“Well…” Rick mumbled to himself as he crossed from one stack to another and was met with yet another endless row of shelves. “This is going well.”

It was going splendidly. He had to have been wandering around for at least half an hour already, and he still had no idea where he was going. Or where he was. Or what time it exactly was (he was starting to see what Evy meant when she talked about books making you lose your sense of time). Every row of books seemed to lead to another which led to another and then another and then… another. He couldn’t even see which direction the front desk was in anymore. And, to be entirely fair, it was entirely possible that he had been walking around in circles for half an hour, but…

If he could handle ancient ruins in the middle of the desert, he could handle this. Right?

Right?

*****

“Ooh, Egypt!” Rick stopped in his tracks and went backwards in his tracks as his eye caught a glimpse of the word in pristine golden lettering on the spine of one of the many books he passed by. “Let’s see…” He must’ve been moving faster than he realised. It took him several steps backwards before he managed to find the book. “Egyptian Economics: From Alexandria to Zefta.”

Well. No exactly what he thought it might be. Economics wasn’t really his area of expertise. It wasn’t Evy’s either. He shrugged. Evy might like it anyway. He would have to bring it up to her when he found her.

It didn’t solve the problem of how to find her though.

He was still lost.

Still very, very… “Ooh.” Another book caught his eye. A much more relevant book. “Guns!”

*****

Rick’s heart beat faster for a split second when he saw the glasses abandoned on a shelf. “Thank fuck.” But only for a second, until he got close enough to get a better look. They weren’t Evy’s. Just some random pair left behind by some random book person.

It could’ve been worse.

But still, it didn’t solve the problem of where she was. Or where he was, for that matter. But maybe if he… “Ow!” Nope. Putting the glasses on did not help. Just made everything kinda blurry and made his eyes kinda hurt.

So he put them back where he found them and kept walking. If nothing else, there had to be a way out somewhere. There had to be.

*****

The problem with adventures is that they took a lot of energy. Or, at least, one of the problems with adventures was that they took a lot of energy. It was one of the basic principles of adventurneering. First, make sure you have your guns. Second, make sure you have your rations, food and water. Third, make sure you have plenty of rest.

He was increasingly tempted to take a nap. But Evy was expecting him. And that meant that this adventure was too important to take naps. Plus, it wouldn’t really be the same if she was cuddling up with him.

So he decided to take Evy’s advice and started through distractions in his mind. Adventuring. Egypt. Adventuring. Mummies. “Oh no.” Not that last one. Bad distraction. “Adventure. Books.” Lots of books, all around him. “Adventure…”

Maybe he should write a textbook about adventure. He could become a wise and esteemed scholar. Like the chap from Indiana Jonathan kept talking about. He liked the idea. He had plenty of wisdom. Plus, Evy would probably love to write it with him.

Why, he could just like this textbook here. “Introduction to the Welsh language.” How hard could it be? “Bore Da. Sw i'n hoffi cwrw a…” He snapped the book shut just as quickly as he had started flipping through the pages. It was probably harmless, but the first rule of adventurneering (Or fifth rule? Fourth? He had last count) was never to read out loud things you didn’t understand.

He didn’t want to unleash a curse in the middle of the library, after all.

That wouldn’t be good.

*****

Rick was in the middle of nap when he heard it.

The shuffling.

Like beetles in sand.

Like mummies in the desert.

He was on his feet before he knew it. Searching for a gun. For a sword. For… the heaviest book he could find. It would have to do.

He held his breath. Listened. Tensed his muscles.

Pounced.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

He didn’t have the chance to slam the book into the mummy’s face before the mummy started screaming back at him. Before he noticed that the mummy looked distinctly… normal. “You’re not a mummy.”

“Aaa…” The not-mummy finally ran out of breath. “Not a what?”

Shit. “Shit.” To be fair, it could’ve been a mummy who had stolen somebody else’s face. Those existed. Rick had first-hand experience with that. But those mummies usually have better things to do than be hanging around libraries. Like finding ancient cursed loves and other cursey things. “Sorry.”

“Um, right. Yes. Sorry.” The not-mummy straightened himself up. Nodded. “It’s good to see the museum’s taking the issue of misplaced books more seriously.”

“Um, yes.” Rick nodded in turn. Tried to look official. “That’s what I’m here for. To misplace books.”

“Good, good.” The stranger nodded again. Rick nodded again. The stranger nodded again. “Say, you wouldn’t happen to have seen a pair of eyeglasses anywhere, have you?”

*****

Rick wanted to scream.

Or, more accurately, he wanted Evy. Adventures weren’t quite the same without her.

And despite his best efforts, she was much more at home in a library than he was. After all these hours, after his wanderings, he was still utterly and completely lost. Desperately lost. Astoundingly lost, even. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever find a way out, or if this was his curse, doomed to wander the shelves forever in search of his love.

He sighed. Look up at the wooden panelling of the ceiling. “Oh, Evy where—”

And tripped.

Right into a shelf.

Right into a shelf that then swayed. That toppled over right into the next shelf. Which also toppled over. And so the row fell, like dominoes, right until the path was cleared right to the feet of some erudite scholar who didn’t quite seem to comprehend what just happened.

Rick tried his most charming smile. “Whoops?”

The scholar blinked. Stammered. Eventually found the words. “Dear god.” The book he was holding dropped to the floor with a resounding thud. “Don’t tell me you’re a Carnahan.”

“Ah yes, that would be me, actually.” This was going well. Rick was very optimistic. “I’m the husband.”

The scholar’s face took on an impression of pure horror. “There’s a husband now?”

*****

Rick winced as the midday sun bore down on him for the first time in forever. His pride also winced as the museum door slammed shut behind him, with the head curator muttering something about banning and disasters of a family and blah blah. Oh well, it could’ve gone worse. At least he wasn’t being hanged this time.

But he still hadn’t found Evy. Which meant-- 

“Rick?” The museum doors opened back up, and Rick had never been happier to hear that voice before. “The curator told me… What happened?”

“Evy!” He couldn’t be blamed for giving her a dramatic kiss in the middle of the museum’s front stairs. “I was looking for you.”

“Oh were you, Mr. O’Connell?” Evy kept her arms around him after the kiss. “And pray, what news do you bring?”

“Well I found the most terribly interesting book. Egyptian Economics from…” His laughter broke off his attempt at a erudite accent. Instead, he winked. Fished into his pockets. Pulled out something golden and ancient. “Apparently someone might just have found a lost temple to Nefertem. And apparently there’s a map.”

“Why, Mr. O’Connell,” Evy kept up the faux-formality, but couldn’t stop herself from grinning. “Are you proposing we go on an adventure?”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing in this fandom, so the more constructive criticism, the merrier (esp. on nailing the character voices)!


End file.
